Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
