I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
