Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
