I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
