I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize