I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
