So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
