it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
