This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
