So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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