dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
