I need to stop coming to work sober
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
