thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
