Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
