At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
