Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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