Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
