Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
