she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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