i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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