Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
you made out with another girl for some wings
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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