bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
