Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
