I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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