we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
