"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
