Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(417): View more from Missouri

when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.

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(863): View more from Florida

In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.

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(210): View more from Texas

Road construction signs are deceptively heavy

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(402): View more from Nebraska

I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"

(308): View more from Nebraska

Stop drinking at work.

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(772): View more from Florida

Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish

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(916): View more from California

If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

If you need anything just hit me up

(845): View more from New York

Pancakes

(201): View more from New Jersey

Noted.

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(312): View more from Illinois

You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.

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