tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You pole danced in your parka.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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