you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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