Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
