remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Shitshow foam night was such a success
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
