This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
