I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
