Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
