Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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