you guys were way drunker than both of me
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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