We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
