a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Don't EVER smell your tampon
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Every concussion has its silver lining
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize