never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
