fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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