i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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