Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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