Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
