If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
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