Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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