I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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