is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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