And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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