Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize