the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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