dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
