is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize