He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
