Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize