Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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