yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
She needs sedatives and a leash
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
