Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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