I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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