Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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