So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
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