yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
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