i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
