You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
pop tarts are not kleenex
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
