I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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