She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
where are you?
Hypothermia
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
