OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
