It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
