I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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