i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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