I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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