I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
