just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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