How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
