thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
