I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
