The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
