just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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