if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
i believe in u and ur pee
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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