in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
