i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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