a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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